Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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