If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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