Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
