Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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