Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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