Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
