I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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