I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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