3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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