i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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