Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Where is the hickey?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
