You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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