Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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