the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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