U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
