Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
