I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
