This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
