i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
