Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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