Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
