my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
