A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
