I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
