I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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