Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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