girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
