My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
