Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
