We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
