Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
