those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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