so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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