Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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