Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
