I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
