It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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