I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
