Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
