Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
