I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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