No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize