I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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