Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
