i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
