hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
