Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
