During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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