Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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