we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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