just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
