You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
