THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
