I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
