I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
