omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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