so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
