Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
