my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
