I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
