I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need to sanitize my soul.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
