I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
