Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize