Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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