have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
