I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
