My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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