Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
