yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
