I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
