We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
