I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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