I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
