It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
