I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
