eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
