I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
