just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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