Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
