so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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