she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
